Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You did what with his pubic hair?
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