Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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