All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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