ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone came in the potted fern
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
