you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
