i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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