I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
