youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
