I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
