We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
