oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
