Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
