you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
