remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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