I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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