Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize