I want to stick my p in your. b.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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