How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
