Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
