Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
