I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
