Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
