I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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