Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
