I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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