i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
