Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
