I love black thongs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
