I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize