please come you make the beer taste better
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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