Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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