like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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