I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
