i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize