Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
