Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
