Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
