Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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