There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
