a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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