We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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