You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
