I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize