he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
