Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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