It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
