Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i barfeds in our rink
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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