I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
