Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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