If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
