Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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