ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
