Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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