I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
