You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
