I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
