I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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