One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
