shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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