So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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