similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
