We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
