she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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