New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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