Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
