That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
