ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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