Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
