spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
