My liver just broke up with me...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
