He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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