dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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