Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
