You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
