shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
