Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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