WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
