Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Randomize
