My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize