it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
