She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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