Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
