Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
