i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need a beard to bite.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
