Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
