I puked a lego.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
