Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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