im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He has the fingertips of a God
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