haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
