just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
