i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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